Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
