so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
