I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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