There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I love you. Go after that dick
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize