You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
