Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
