Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
They have beer where we have blood.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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