Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I cockslap morals
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize