Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
