piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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