Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
