i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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