dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
