this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
where am i from again
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
