Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
