You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize