Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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