i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
