i just made my gag reflex go away.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
