just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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