no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
