Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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