I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
