how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
