I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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