i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm sobbing to NWA
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize