Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The uberlube is also flammable
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
