i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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