just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
