my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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