it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
why do cheetos always look like penises
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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