What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
