yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
