i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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