I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
