there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Quick, to the slutcave!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
