I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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