Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
