Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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