I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize