Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Green mimosas i think yes
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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