he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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