I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
