pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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