i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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