i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
what day is it and did you see me today?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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