making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
