How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
