I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
