ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
