im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think I died a long time ago.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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