you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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