I wannas sexs uuuuu
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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