you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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