Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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