im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
