just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
