Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
