So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize