I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
