if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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