I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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