I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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