she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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