My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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