Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
