If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
