Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He has the fingertips of a God
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
