I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
