god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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