I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
