What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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