Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry barrie13 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(616): View more from Michigan

yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"

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(+61): View more from Australia

I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.

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(229): View more from Georgia

He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?

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(229): View more from Georgia

As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.

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(530): View more from California

so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.

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(404): View more from Georgia

He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??

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