My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
