i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
