I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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