I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
