I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
