I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize