So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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