I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
